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I had The Dream again Saturday night.
In this dream, I've just had a major seizure, I was unconscious for a while, then I wake up enough to realize I'm being wheeled into the OR for a shunt revision. That's terrifying enough in itself.
What the lay person probably doesn't know is that anesthesia isn't just one drug, but a cocktail. First they give you something to make you drowsy, so you're already falling asleep, in effect, before they've wheeled you in for the actual surgery. Then they give you a paralytic agent. This drug immobilizes you so that you can't turn or move or thrash around while they're trying to operate on you. When they do that, the diaphragm muscle is paralyzed, so they have to put you on a respirator. Then they give you the painkiller/final dose of anesthetic, and this is when you actually fall asleep and they can start the surgery.
In the dream (I suppose it would be more accurate to call it a nightmare), the paralytic agent works, so I can't breathe on my own and I can't talk, but the painkiller/sedative doesn't, so I'm wide awake and I can feel everything they do. The actual *brain* surgery isn't so bad, since there are no pain receptors in the brain, but feeling the doctors yanking the tubing out of either my heart or my abdomen (right now I have a VA shunt, I've had VP shunts in the past) gives me the heebiejeebies just thinking about it, and in the dream they're actually *doing* it. And I can feel every slice of the knife and every yank of the tubing. And there isn't a thing I can do about it, since I can't move and I can't talk.
I usually wake up from the dream right about the time the doctors realize I'm still awake. But they don't realize this until after the procedure is finished and they're stitching me up. And I wake up from the dream because my heart is pounding and there are tears in my eyes. And I can clearly remember the dream, which just makes me more upset.
I'm actually pretty calm writing about this now. But I had to tell somebody. The fact I'm still thinking about it just stresses me out more. I think I had the dream this time because hubby went out of town early Saturday morning, so I spent most of the weekend alone. I have a terrible time getting to sleep when he's not here. But he doesn't need to know that. He has to travel for his job. And I'm not gonna make it harder for him to leave by telling him about this dream. But like I said, I had to tell somebody.
In this dream, I've just had a major seizure, I was unconscious for a while, then I wake up enough to realize I'm being wheeled into the OR for a shunt revision. That's terrifying enough in itself.
What the lay person probably doesn't know is that anesthesia isn't just one drug, but a cocktail. First they give you something to make you drowsy, so you're already falling asleep, in effect, before they've wheeled you in for the actual surgery. Then they give you a paralytic agent. This drug immobilizes you so that you can't turn or move or thrash around while they're trying to operate on you. When they do that, the diaphragm muscle is paralyzed, so they have to put you on a respirator. Then they give you the painkiller/final dose of anesthetic, and this is when you actually fall asleep and they can start the surgery.
In the dream (I suppose it would be more accurate to call it a nightmare), the paralytic agent works, so I can't breathe on my own and I can't talk, but the painkiller/sedative doesn't, so I'm wide awake and I can feel everything they do. The actual *brain* surgery isn't so bad, since there are no pain receptors in the brain, but feeling the doctors yanking the tubing out of either my heart or my abdomen (right now I have a VA shunt, I've had VP shunts in the past) gives me the heebiejeebies just thinking about it, and in the dream they're actually *doing* it. And I can feel every slice of the knife and every yank of the tubing. And there isn't a thing I can do about it, since I can't move and I can't talk.
I usually wake up from the dream right about the time the doctors realize I'm still awake. But they don't realize this until after the procedure is finished and they're stitching me up. And I wake up from the dream because my heart is pounding and there are tears in my eyes. And I can clearly remember the dream, which just makes me more upset.
I'm actually pretty calm writing about this now. But I had to tell somebody. The fact I'm still thinking about it just stresses me out more. I think I had the dream this time because hubby went out of town early Saturday morning, so I spent most of the weekend alone. I have a terrible time getting to sleep when he's not here. But he doesn't need to know that. He has to travel for his job. And I'm not gonna make it harder for him to leave by telling him about this dream. But like I said, I had to tell somebody.
